And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
