Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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