the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
