remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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