I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
