He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
