You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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