my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
