its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
