Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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