You made me cry and you don't even care
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
