A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
