oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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