"it" just moved
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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