the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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