I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize