Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
