shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
