I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
