I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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