I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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