jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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