she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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