12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I smell stomach acid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
