a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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