I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
