Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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