I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
