rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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