I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is the high leading the old right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
