she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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