I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
