I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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