my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
