i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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