My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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