I think I died a long time ago.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
