He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
