first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
