the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We need to get me chipped asap
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize