I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
