So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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