I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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