You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
