okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
