this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
