I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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