I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
