Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
