There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
