I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
