tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
