I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
