Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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