i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize