I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
