im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
