you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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