my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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