you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
