Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
