I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
