my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
