I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
