I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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