there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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