I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
