Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
