you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
