one might say we're banned from that church
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
