You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
