she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
